I HATE THE SHIT YOU DO!

i was coo...

i had been thinkin bout her

but coolin the fuck out

until i got on downelink

and seen her smilin and all happy

#nshit

lookin sexy

#nshit

and her shxt says "in a relationship"

#nshit

now

im not gonna jump to conclusions

when you assume you make an ass out of you

i know what she told me

she ain't ready

so ima take it as a cover up

Jesus let it be a cover up

it don't matter

im not supposed to care

but i do

mayne brah

i hate the shit you do

i hate the shit you do

i hate the shit you do

i hate the shit you do

I

HATE

THE

SHIT

YOU

DO

you make me want to never:

talk to another virgo

talk to another black chick

talk to another girl with those brown eyes

talk to another chick from dallas

talk to another chick from oakcliff

talk to another girl with your name

cuz she wont be you

see

dis dat bullshit

yo im so pissed at myself right now

the shit is unbe-fucking-lievable

i wanna be in your life so bad

fuck im jz tryna take what i could get

lol

i must like gettin burned by this damn fire yo

i swear you could call me at 4 in the morning

bet i'll still answer

anybody else

ima watch that shit ring

i hate when your name comes across my screen

i hate when i hear "i think i love her" by gucci mane

the 1st lines are all you

"she a bitch shawty mean as shit and she super thick"

aint dat some shit

i hate that i prepared myself to be with you

no i don't

wanna know why?

because i prepared myself for you when you come back

when u finally say "Cru, im ready for you."

im still like "Cru, maybe its meant to be"

dis nigga dreamin and shit

smh @ myself

i just wanna smile again yo

i just wanna get to the bottom of your emotions

i want you to stop running and break it down

i feel like im so in the dark

im bout to start a fire and light this bitch up

im tryna see dammit

man i shoulda known better

i shoulda slowed it down

i hate the shit you do yo

but i'll still have feelings for you

you'll always have a piece of me

this dat bullshit Crusay.

- Yungin. ((.f.l.h.))

i jz wanna do what i did last time u dipped out:

take blunts to the face until i forget what day it is.

this dat bullshit Crusay...

.i left myself open.

i constantly tell myself to be careful with my heart. im sensitive. like regardless of what you see, what you believe, how "strong" i seem to be... im sensitive. especially when it comes to love. when i love, i love hard. sometimes its too much, sometimes its not enough. it always depends on the girl. this go round i shouldn't have loved at all. i should have stayed heartless like i have been. i keep saying how i wanna settle down. settling down is nothing but a dream. as much as i hate to say it, fucking this girl, that girl, her... her too, they best friend, plus them seems to be the best way to go. true love doesn't exist at this moment. it is what is non existent.

i feel like i put my heart on the table and lit it on fire and jz walked by it as it burned.

i was sick most of the night and every time i think about her, the tears just start falling. funny how i go from feeling like superman to the homeless nigga on the corner. i walked into it. i fell for somebody that i thought was ready. somebody that told me i wasn't serious about her & i fought soooo hard just to get her back for 2 weeks just for her tell me that she's not ready. she told me she was gonna hurt me, she was no good for me & she was gonna break my heart. a hard head makes a soft ass. we agreed we would start talkin (i.e the update of 'talking to 1. conversing with a few.')

[hold up... real time update... this is why i don't deal with my ex wife (no this blog ain't about her i just got off the phone wit her dumb ass.) if i aint up her ass then she got a problem. i don't want you no more you abusive muthafuck! jeez get the picture? or do i need to take another one?]

anyway... we agreed we would start talkin. take it slow. and then shit just got weird. i would text, no reply. if she did reply the conversation was short. 2 or 3 words, 2 or 3 texts. so i decided to ask... "am i really wasting my time?" you really shouldn't ask questions you don't want the answer to, but i'd rather know than stick around believing something could happen. and it just went into a snowball effect. as im texting her back, my vision is gettin cloudy and im wondering why my screen is wet. low and fucking behold im crying. Seriously Cru? dis ain't you nigga. last time i caught myself crying over a female it was cold, raining, december 2009, and i had a ring in my pocket i didnt have the nerve to pull out.

so clearly i was hurt. i couldnt breathe and i just kept reading the texts over and over again and its like my fingers wouldn't stop asking questions and pressing send. and my world just shattered. i could tell she was trying to make me feel okay about the situation but when u truly love somebody theres no way you can feel okay about losing them. so i turned my phone off and cried myself to sleep. woke up to swollen eyes and questions. i dont wanna answer any questions ppl. if u don't understand it from this blog then u not gon grasp the concept. i was hella sick last night and i just could not understand how i was broken down to this level. seriously like what the fuck is wrong with me.

im heartbroken.

truly heartbroken.

im continuously making the same mistake. falling for the wrong girl. listening to my heart instead of my head. doing what i feel instead of what i know.

i don't wanna fall in love again. i don't wanna love anybody anymore. i don't wanna feel this pain. i don't wanna cry anymore. i don't wanna meet anyone else. i don't wanna talk about it anymore. i just wanna pick myself up and go. just disappear and be a figment of everyones imagination. just look at it like i was never here. i just wanna feel numb. i don't want to hurt anybody. i dont want anybody to have feelings for me. i don't want to be loved.

God just stop the tears.

.on hiatus.

just wanted to tell everybody thanks for ur concerns. its just heartbreak. even the best of us go through it. i honestly just wanna stop crying. my phone has been off all day and i probably will turn it back off after i send out this group message for the blog. i don't feel like talking about it. my moms keeps asking whats wrong and i cant speak without breaking down. i set myself up for it [hard headed]. but i am okay... well as okay as im going to be right now. so please don't send a text or call asking what happened or if im okay. best way to contact me right now is via email

personal: yungcrusay@gmail.com

business: dirtybiznessent@gmail.com

or message me on facebook.

www.facebook.com/Yung.Crusay

at least give me until tomorrow night to try to get my head right cuz my thoughts are just everywhere.

gone to drown myself in Drake.

- Yungin. ((.f.l.h.))

.you could be mine.

you make me crazy. i can't keep you off of my mind. you're the 1st thing when i wake up & the last thing before i knock out. the way you make me feel... incredible. even on my worst day, just to hear your voice, see you smile, or feel your lips against mine... u make me feel like superman.

from the 1st time i saw you i felt like you could be the one. i remember we were sitting in your living room on your couch. You made me nervous, but you were so beautiful. i had never seen a girl like you in person... only in my dreams & on tv. every thing about you was perfect. i walked out rubbing my head thinking "she'll never be into a nigga like me"

and then we started texting. not too much. just enough for you to start calling me your "boo thang" lol. u kept telling me i was a cutie (lol shame how im over here smiling while i think about it). i remember you came over 2 chill. of course i bust out w/ a blacklight session. damn u was lookin good. and of course you know how i am about looking females in their eyes... so you made me stare at you.

you just pulled me in.

its like you hypnotized me.

and here we are 6 months later and you still give me that feeling. u make me feel like im on some Diana Ross "Sweetest Hangover" shit. If theres a cure for this... i don't want it.

no seriously.

the things you do...

the way you make my mind, body & spirit feel...

i told you girl... just to be in your presence is enough. u aint even gotta talk to me.

i laugh cuz you keep telling me you're no good for me. well, im no good for anybody. fuckin' round wit Cru will make a sane girl lose it. it's not intentional. its either i love too hard or not enough. you keep telling me that you're broken and i understand it ma... i do. maybe i can be the one to help put you back together.

you know how how i feel about you (i told you i wouldn't say it tho lol) but this could be something.

we could be something

only time will tell

- Yungin. ((.f.l.h.))

.4th round knockout.

[i know we probably shouldn't be doing this

but i couldn't keep my hands off]

you've been staring all night and i been waiting too long

as many times as i've tried to shake the thought...

i cant

i want you.

i've just been sitting here imagining how sweet you taste

wondering how wet you really are.

how wet are you?

i gotta have you.

not now

RIGHT now

so come out those clothes

im bout to put on a show

where your body is the main stage

ima keep the music low

cuz i wanna hear you scream the deeper i go

let the halls echo as you yell my name

see im not in the mood for any type of soft lovin

im in the mood for round for round straight fuckin

from the bed, to the floor

the dresser, to the wall

i'll give you head on the door

until your knees buckle and you start to fall

dont worry

i got you

just put your legs around my neck i can hold you up

i wont stop even after you've had enough

you might need my asthma pump

cuz what im bout to give you is breath taking

sex at its finest

fuck love making

i've been told what i do should be outlawed

energizer bunny shit

im never on my bummy shit

you can lay down on your stomach miss

from behind is my favorite way to hit

throw it back while you climax

and look back at me

matter of fact face the mirror

you know how i like fuck faces

im tryna take ya body places its never been before

make you scream until you cant no more

i'll rub your body down after...

you might be a little sore

but thats gon be later...

get ready for round 4.

- Yungin. ((.f.l.h.))

.caught in the life.

so many things to be said about this life i live

by now i was hopin to have me a wife w/ kids

well that failed so im fast life-in wit the best of em

models bring they friends im always lookin for the rest of em

bring em all ma lemme put this liquor in you

then take it to the hotel so we all can continue

then i'll sneak out in the morning with no sound

and when u call me i'll be nowhere to be found

some girls i look at as a blessin'

to them life's a teacher & im just another lesson

that they learn while im undressin em they givin me the best of em

then after i hit it they wanna give me whats left of em

nah...

i been hurt too many times by

too many dimes i

cant take the heart break

so instead i just drive by

give them no time i

sometimes think my heart fake

heartbreak Crusay

fuck wat you say

im tryna be better but it ain't that easy

cuz they all easy

but after 1 time they be all on "he say/

she say" im the best for her but she dont deserve me

sometimes i really feel like they all just out to hurt me

honestly i wanna give my heart but im scared to

most girls take me for granted when lend em ear to

talk in when they girl trippin over dumb shit

cheatin kisses then they done quick

what u feelin ma?

i just gave you what your girl couldn't

i do shit anyway knowin that i shouldn't

cuz whats the point of both of us gettin caught up in something

thats truly nothin and im sittin here frontin

like you dont mean shit to me

this is exactly why i think alone is what im meant to be.

- Yungin. ((.f.l.h.))

.so many things.

[take ya shirt off

drop those bottoms too

i wanna see you in nothing but heels

you don't mind if i blind fold you do you?]

let me lead you to the center of my room.

im about to make you the center of attention.

did i mention i brought handcuffs?

[.put ur hands behind your back.]

you exhale with every kiss on your body

i feel you shaking with anticipation wondering where and what part of me will touch you next...

i hear u breathing harder the wetter you get

ima kiss your lips while i rub my fingertips up the inside of your thigh

you're dripping just how i like

what would you do if i tasted you?

i mean...

u cant see me

your hands cant touch me

i could lick you from behind

from the front

against the wall

maybe the door

maybe right here til u explode on my floor

see baby this is only a prelude to an earthquake

im bout to make your earth shake

have u screaming louder the more i tap on ya flood gate

u can scratch me up as your levee starts to break

you can let it out

i don't mind my bed being your lake

this here is sheet clinchin, pillow biting fucking at its finest

i hope these dirty words im whisperin in your ear don't offend

cuz girl this ain't pretend

im tryna knock yo' walls down

get so deep you can't make a sound

baby bend over show me that *singing* pretty round round

u drivin me wild

throw it back on my fingers

no strap needed

slappin ass pullin hair while u screamin

"Cru beat it"

i got you baby

see you came to the right nigga for this here fix

hands only

i don't need my 9 inch

i can be your medicine

what else do u need miss?

im no doctor

but what i prescribed

you gon need some more of this

sex like mary jane

you gon need another hit.

- Yungin. ((.f.l.h.))

.just thought you should know.

[.today i woke up wishing i could have opened my eyes and been laying next to you.]

just the thought of you being the first face i see in the morning feels good.

to open my eyes and see you wrapped around my body with your head on my chest...

damn.

today is the perfect day to lay in bed with you all morning. you next to me, no make up on (fresh faced), waken baken & playing with each others hands while we talk about nothing. no serious conversation needed, just being goofy & laughing at each other.

once we decide to peel ourselves out of bed, we should order take out (delivery of course) and just enjoy each others company. life is so crazy, that we barely get the chance to slow down and just chill. I just want to spend my time with you watching movies. no phone, no twitter, no facebook, just us.

intimate moments like this make me appreciate you more and more.

when the evening comes i'll cook dinner for you & around 7 we should pack it up with a blanket and just go sit in the park. i'll feed you as a matter of fact. when we get home i'll run some bathwater for us. i'll bathe you, dry you off, even lotion you down. you deserve to be taken care of.

[.das real shit.]

after that, come blacklight with me. light some incense for me, you, mary jane... maybe drake, maxwell, ms. badu, & kings of leon. just relax for a bit. Lets end the night watching Purple Rain with a bottle of moscato.

im trying to show you how much you mean to me & that i wouldn't want to spend this time with anyone else but you.

- Yungin. ((.f.l.h.))

i don't know who you are, but i know you're out there. maybe we've met, maybe you're on your way to me, maybe your already in my life. whoever you are, i know that we will go through things together and individually, and i will be there and i promise to never leave you when you need me. whatever we go through, we will get through.

- Your future wife.

.the resistance.

the closer it gets to fall the more my mind starts to level out

all of my thoughts thats been stored get to pourin out

i didn't realize it would start so soon

its only August but im tryna grab my mind from June

last year i barely remember the summer it all ran together

blacklight sessions full of smoke i never felt better

honestly those times alone with the music

gave me just wat i needed to get thru it

life that is

i lost my sanity for a moment but i needed it

the feeling of losin my mind ain't as bad as i perceived it

it shed a lot of light on the things i was doin wrong

provided clarity to build me up & stay strong

lost a good girl while my life started to move along

but thats another story for another song

my mind's been so gone but im tryna get it right

i swear im not the same person when i lay down at night

woke up with the realization that the fast life im livin

wasnt given to me i chose it

so why am i so obsessed to hold it?

why am i lettin the good girls pass

for the chick who's means for cash is shakin her ass?

no offense to the strippers i got respect for all of yall

still mess wit the few thats in my call log

but most of em see a nigga tryna make it

havin a hustlers heart is somethin u cant fake

shit

i know that its time for me to settle down

time to find someone to put up in a wedding gown

the girl i wanted marry don't wanna give me time

to get my life together im just tryna get mine

so thats fine that just means she wasn't for me

no love lost here still standin on my feet

but history repeats so she'll just be another one

to regret leaving me after she's hurt & her heart is done

karma is a bitch life is too

thats why im tryna do right at age 22

when hit 23 i need a different me

i wanna be somebody that i'd never thought i'd be

maybe i will be settled down

or maybe i'll be playin around

i hope not

maybe i'll be with a chick i don't care about

stuck in a personal hell jz tryna make it out

God please forbid that from happenin again

cuz i been there before i lost a good friend

but i gotta live with no regrets

cuz you never know when youre gonna take your last breath

every day i mature still growin more

they don't wanna see me fly but ima still soar

september 16th i start it all over

raise ya glasses up lets make a toast to closure.

[no jockin.]

- Yungin ((.f.l.h.))