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so i sat here for a couple of minutes and tried to write a rhyme to describe how i feel. well dat didn't work out so ima juss say it.
this weekend someone came back into my life that i have been thinking (and talking) about all summer. while im on some parlay parlay shit wit my patnas this outta state number calls. now im thinkin its these bitches we tryna find playin games... so im goin off like wtf is dis? and the more i listened... the more it clicked... and i started cheesin hard. my niggas QQin at me like... damn nigga who is dat? so she told me she would call me back. she sounded kinda upset but i had her number so fuck it lol. so then she called the next day juss talkin to me... and its juss casual talk... a few apologies. and... yeah. it was coo :) so she called a couple days later and we were talking about how things were .circa:march. how we were really feeling and other things. she finally understood how serious i was. she told me that i had to slow and stop some things that i am doing. so i have. my phone number count has gone from 374 to 180... and the majority of those are business or fams. im not conversing with many people. i mean my heads in the game. she was actually the last GIRL girl dat i talked to. Crazy right? So she says that she understands that i am serious. but will i get that last chance? Is cleaning myself... my LIFE up worth it this time around? i mean... the title of my blog is .cash.clubs.cars.clothes.&&chicks. (check the blue bar up top). shit thats what ive been about since her. i mean crystal was still in my life but i was tired of dat bitch. i had done her so wrong for crystal that i played myself and lost a good one. a girl dat was gonna keep me in my place but still go everywhere wit me. she was beautiful&&deserving... but i treated her like a jump off. so i juss hope she realizes that this is forreal. no games. no blindfolds. no exes. no jumpoffs. just her.
Call me Jordan 4th quarter in '92.
- Charlene
it took losin her to accept reality
shorty was the best thing that coulda happened to me
no poker face needed to play the fool
lookin at myself in the mirror thinkin wat did i do
phone number erased no contact but myspace
she'd read and not reply felt like a slap in my face
no way she still cared
cuz honestly i shoulda been there
but i fucked up acting like she was nothing to me
she was there to rebuild me after the hurricane... that was something to me
never touched never kissed although the thought crossed my mind
but she never expressed the need so i guessed it wasn't our time
still think about her although she's so far gone
december 3rd shawty say she gon come back home
wonder if i'll be with another or will i be with her...
the ball's in your court ma...
which one do u prefer?
- Yungin. ((f.l.h))
aight. anyone that knows me knows that i love femmes. i do... juss everything about them. how they smell, how they walk, how they talk. EVERYTHING!!! but that seems to be my issue! i love girls and they see that so they love me back! all different colors, shapes, and sizes. girls love Cru. i've heard some say its my ego (Crusay), my "swagger", how i carry myself, or this random ass accent i have. its cool for me cuz i used to be a geek back in the gap lol. with girls come attachments. being with another girl produces an emotional bond even if yall are just talking. people start catching feelings and then someone's heart gets broke sooner or later.
with me dealing with a few girls (yes they know about each other) i start to give a fuck about them. when they act shady, i act out. when they lie, i catch them. when they catch attitudes over something stupid, i try to smooth it over. when they wanna vent to me about their exes, i listen. if we go out, i open doors and pay for whatever it is we will do that night (yes every date). if we stay in, i cook. im some what of a gentleman type. that makes them like me more aaaaaand then comes the drama.
sometimes i feel like a stock. like these girls have claims on me. 2 of em don't even stay in texas... 1 is rather irrelevant at this point and the other... well... damn. in her words "i played myself". i coulda had a good girl but muthafukkin crystal and her promises. i did play myself, but whenever she calls, i listen to her go off and put me in my place. she understands me... both sides of me. shit she calls me by my legal name. she had quite an impact on me. its certain cd's i try not to play because they remind me of her (Jim Jones - Pray IV Reign).
then i got a younger chick. she apparently dropped allllllll of her hoes to talk to me. WOW SON. when i found that out my only reply was "all of em?!" lol. YES NIGGA ALL OF THEM! dayum. she's serious about this right? she's an awesome chick. she hasn't put me in my place yet. she's a fast lifer though. .cash.clubs.cars.clothes&&chicks. she's definitely about a couple of those so i guess technically she cant tell me nothin.
another chick. she's coo but i've been told i gotta cut her off. gotta hate when they beef right? especially when having you in common is completely coincidental. so... no comment?
next one i don't know what the hell is goin on. shit i never know whats goin on. she makes me scratch my head. but she calls every night so we can knock out together. the simple things matter right?
then there's my ex. "Dear Baby Jesus, thank you for sanity. - Charlene". okay so my ex is kinda nuts and indecisive. she'd rather give a lame chance after chance than give a good nigga another chance. but then i get these random i love you text messages. i just look at her as a friend now. like... das my nigga wit good p*ssy that i don't get anymore (don't think i want it... i hear the girl she smashin got that uh-uh).
uh-uh.
so how do i deal with the drama? how do i deal with the interferences from the outside world, my exes and their exes?
i dont.
although i have abandonment issues, im quite quick to leave. i'll throw a bitch the finger quickly. its hard after u get attached to let go of em but i get over it. shrug it off and chill chill wit another one. i mean why should i sit there and be upset over it? i'd rather go to the club, dance, drink, and chill. i mean im an easy going cat. sometimes i make the wrong decision, sometimes its them... depending on what they do, i may have hard feelings but most of the time i dont.
alot of times i ask myself "u tired of goin thru the same thing yet?" sometimes the answer is yes, sometimes no... i love the fact that these girls cant get enough of me. i love that my smile makes a girl wanna come over and talk to me. i admit it... i love talking to different women of all races. but then again...its like i get tired of the games, the lies, and the exes. deception ain't my thing mayne. i get tired of not comin home to nobody. the bed gets lonely as shit. im not sayin i want a girl to live with me (im not ready yet), but a girl that was here a couple days wouldn't hurt. but its the different girls staying over that i like... im not saying im promiscuous... although if u analyzed my summer it would seem that i am... but im not. 1 girl at a time (well there was that one time) but u get what im sayin. a lot of girls i can seriously just lay down with. its not always about gettin the booty. a lot of times the company is enough...but sex can change everything. sometimes i can take it as it just being sex but then again sex can make that emotional bond stronger or it could break it. it could lead to confusion, arguments and eventually a break up.
Crusay, Crusay...
what have i gotten myself into?
- Yungin. ((f.l.h))
10. *depending on how tonight goes... ima leave this one open for now*
09. Rachel - smashed her but she's foolish... she is a moment. like... 2 seconds really
08. Car wreck - still tryna get a new new...
07. Working at Which Which - a curse but a blessing
06. The return of Jackie - she's gonna make the top notch moments list too... but she's foolish...
05. The Boo closing - i miss dat place forreal
04. Summer, Lacy & Stacy's return to prominence - they killed that shit quick
03. The fallout between me and Chay (TS1) - she crossed the wrong nigga and almost got fucked off
02. Gemini - stupid bitch. definitely bullshit
01. The division of Crystal and I. - fuck spring/summer 2009... top bullshit moment of my life.
- Yungin. ((f.l.h))
can't stand seeing old pictures of me and u
said i was stuck in love but that game is thru
cuz that love turned to me despising everything about ya
and to think at 1 point i thought i couldn't live without ya
u played me like a chess game shorty i cant hate
got me for the cash and crib so check and checkmate
gave u the benefit of the doubt and u shattered my world
but quick to say i love u when u hear about the other girls
started thinkin maybe i should give u another chance
thought about it again and put it up in God's hands
and He showed me who u really are
u dealin with the lames instead of a nigga thats goin really far
so ignore me until im a figment of ur imagination
cuz im done waitin for u to get right im impatient
once wifey now them feelings are gone
now to me ur just another love song.
- Yungin. ((f.l.h))
if you check my facebook page (facebook.com/crusay) it says that i am in a relationship and it is complicated with new york aka my best girl (im sure ima get roasted for that later ha). so contrary to what the page says, i am NOT (i repeat) NOT in a relationship right now (very much single... dont get it twisted)... but it is complicated between me and shorty. its like damn we can never get our paths to cross right... like mayne son i have always had it for this chick right (9th grade to be exact) but its like damn my ego will not take her serious. shit trips me out cuz i be like aight aight... she's gonna go thru wit it and its gonna go down and my ego is like... nigga... we been doin this since 2007 wit her... call it what it is mayne. so its like its a constant battle between me and... well... me. like i trust her and all but damn mayne... she don't call, barely text, stay outta state, den when she here i c her one time... like my dude. den she be on this love u shit. and im like aight... if das real call a nigga... if das real text a nigga... shit i call and text no returns but let a nigga back down or start talkin bout another bitch and she be makin a nigga feel really fuckin guilty. shit she almost got gal'd this week to be honest... but den i waited for a min and started noticing same shit different day. so at this point im just like what the hell is there to do. she say if i love her i should trust her (every chick says dat) but when ya track record is so bad... what do u expect? u can't just get chance after chance after chance... for one i need definition. two i need stability: i need a chick das gon check in on the regular... not no once a week shit... if we on a level where we talkin like we could get together very soon im expectin to hear from u every other day... shit maybe every day (favorite girl grasped that concept when she was starting for the team). so what do i do? i don't wanna lose a good girl but i wont sit here and be foolish cuz she ain't tryna be on my page...
one more night left in town... she gonna remain ghost or will she re-appear?
make ya move ma.
- Yungin. ((f.l.h))
