.its inevitable.

so lately things have been a bit crazy for me... this year has been crazy for me. my nephew was born (das my duuude!), i lost my wife, wrecked my car, got laid off twice, im 2 steps off my fathers ass, was in the hospital for a min, lost one of my best friends (but i realize she needed to go anyway), got played by 1 out of 2 females from the same camp, lost a good girl because of a dumbass ex, broke someone's heart back in march, released a mixtape that coulda done better, was on depression meds for about a month and a half, had a few physical altercations, dated 2 strippers, my best girl moved to ny, and i picked up a couple of old vices along the way.

needless to say, im exhausted.

im tired people. i've given so much of myself to the world, and i am drained. im fucking tired... thats why im not in the club and thats y u don't see me in the streets. i've started to walk back into seclusion and honestly im not beefing with it. i got these people that see how im livin, they love how i walk, how i talk, how i dress, how girls dig on me, but they don't know whats behind the door. they don't know what its like to be used to being in a relationship and that disappearing... that loneliness when ur laying in ur bed at night and there isn't a body laying next to u holding u like u are the only person left in the world...they don't know what its like to have to watch every corner because some jealous ass stud could be ready to jump u at any minute... they don't know what it's like to have almost everything u love snatched away from u all in 1 day... they don't know what its like to question ur friends cuz u can't trust anybody around u... i mean yall see me... i always have a smile on my face when i step out in the public but the only reason that is is because my moms always taught my sister and i to look our best on our worst day... and i always look my best (that should tell u something). im not asking for sympathy. im not asking for phone calls or text messages. im just askin for people to cut the bullshit and start being real. stop lyin. stop keeping people around just to keep them around. if u dont wanna be friends wit that nigga then duce duce. u owe nobody an explanation for what u do. stop mistreating people. treat people like u wanna be treated. stop hatin cuz a nigga is gettin money and you not. take a second and see what it is that that person is doin different from u that is making them successful. quit the jealousy and the backstabbing. learn how to bring nothing but the best to the table so u can avoid bullshit results. and please people, stop being so judgmental and understand that people fuck up and they deserve second chances. God has given us all a second chance, and since we are no better than Him, who are we to deprive someone that is as equally guilty as we are of a second chance?

i just feel like i need a break from the world...

but at the end of the day this is reality...

my reality.

and my reality is that im falling.

its a slow fall but its faster than what i expected. im falling away from everything and everyone so quick that half the time i don't wanna be bothered. juss gimmie my blacklight and my mix cd and lemme sit in the clouds by my dolo until im okay. let me cry... its okay for me to do that. let me smile when im actually having a good day. let me be me and don't try to take the elements that make me Charlene Yvette Cruse away. and stop taking shots at Crusay because this is an ego that you created.

so like my about me says...

.welcome to my reality.

are u ready to take this journey with me?


- Yungin. ((f.l.h))