.lets go crazy.

[somebody drop the organs]

*Prince voice*

dearly beloved...

we are gathered here today to get through this thing called...

L O V E

'⁴Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. ⁵It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. ⁶Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. ⁷It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. ⁸Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away.' 1 Corinthians 13:4-8

[lawd Crusay dun opened up with Prince & a scripture]

Love is a feeling... an emotion... It is something that can't be confused once you've truly loved someone. Love is when someone touches your soul. You get that feeling of 'i can't live without you'. J. Holiday had this song 'Suffocate' that I became infatuated with for a minute. Yall remember those lyrics? 'I can't breathe when you talk to me/I can't breathe when you're touching me/I suffocate when you're away from me/so much love you take from me/I'm going out of my mind' That was real talk to me. I look at love to be something that should be unconditional. Regardless of what you do, how mad you get, how much time yall spend split up, when you love someone, LOVE THEM. Im not saying play the fool. Don't stay with somebody that is going to continuously hurt you. You know when someone is worth loving.

Let me put something into perspective right quick. The girl I love (and am in love with right now) is amazing. We gon reference her as Renee (not the former Dirty Girl guys... don't start no shit) We goin thru our issues right now. Fuck, for all i know she and I may NEVER be together, but i still love her. See she expected me to say 'I love you' and then take it back after we got to arguin. Sorry not that type of nigga. When i love, i love hard (ask Apollonia -- nah don't das a WHOOOOOLE 'nother argument. i LITERALLY ran when I first told her i loved her). Like when i get around Renee... i miss her even though she's in my arms. Like when i walk up behind her (i can hear her now... warn me before you walk up on me Crusay. I gotta prepare my body lmfao) and put my arms around her, my heart jz starts racin... my hands still get sweaty around her. i still gotta give myself a pep talk before i see her. its always the '*sigh* arright nigga... u good? u need some gum? get you some gum nigga. what you gon say to her? man i bet she look good! where ya carmex? try to actually look at her today mayne. wipe ya hands on ya shorts nigga we sweatin. you need a towel? bring a towel next time. stop shakin u gon look like a lil bitch...' like i realized i loved her i the middle of sex. Awkward right? Like im takin her home goin... 'um scuse you nigga... u do know that was just sex right? you better man the fuck up!' i tried. then emotions jz got caught up. she told me i was playin games and i was fightin sooooo hard to keep her around but not let my feelings show. Dumb idea Crusay! Like I love her so much that she asked for her space and I gave it to her WITHOUT fucking with another female. Girls text me, they call, they just friends tho. I mean, since she and I have started talking she's the only girl i've kissed, slept with... anything. Girls throw the pussy at me BUT i don't do it. I don't even think about messin with another girl. For what? the best is in front of me. (yes... Pow Pow). But it's not the sex that made me love her... it was HER that made me love her. If we never had sex again... nah wait don't get me lyin lol. but if she said 'babe no sex until we figure things out' (like she's done now) i'd be cool. (i ain't gon lie... nights get a little lonely. lmao. yall saw dat last blog. mmmhmmm) but i love her. i love who she is, i love who she's becoming, i love who she's been, i love how hardheaded she is, i love her smile, her brown eyes, what she stands for, how she kisses me, how perfectly she fits in my arms, the look she gets when she's mad (sexy) i love HER. I hate the arguments, i hate that she likes to hang up in ppls faces, i hate that she jz walks off when a nigga is NOT done talkin, i hate how she assumes shit and then will say 'thats fine' (yall gotta understand how she says it. makes me wanna throw something) but i love her. What i have for her is truly unconditional love. I've weighed my pros vs. my cons with her and realized she is worth loving. Sure she might break my heart but u run that risk with anybody you love. i mean, look at those in a relationship right now, who's to say ya girl ain't gon wake up tomorrow morning and start fuckin wit niggas or tell you she pregnant or say 'oh by the way, lemme introduce you to my real wife'. thats the risk you run with love, but when u have that one... it's worth the risk and at the end of it all, you take the experience as a lesson. don't be spiteful, don't hate them... love em with the love of Christ. My ex wife beat my ass... i'd never go back to her, but i love her with the love of Christ. *kanye shrug* what can u do?

at the end of it all, love is a crazy thing. it has its ups, its downs, ins & outs... it hurts, but it's beautiful.

randomness jz came to my head: 'love is like skydiving. you take that leap of faith when you tell someone you love them, and just pray that parachute opens when u pull the string.'

Leave a comment here, on twitter, facebook, downelink, my cell... whatever. im off to watch Purple Rain.

- Yungin. ((.f.l.h.))

.dark dancin.

[coulda swore i already had one named this... lol dem drugs man]

the first time i tasted her lips, she sent my mind on a spin. under the black light, fingers intertwined... she left me breathless as i led her to my bedroom. this wasn't an ordinary dance. it was evident that this was about to be something different. i had the urge to do things to her that i would only do to the woman i would marry. i felt the need to give her my best, my all, everything. i knew it was only sex, but she was different. the things she made me feel with her tongue was indescribable. nobody had ever kissed me so... passionate... so deep. you would swear she was mine. she placed her hand on one side of my neck and put her thumb on my throat to tilt my head back and proceeded to run the tip of her tongue from my neck to my ear (sorry i just caught chills. #blessthatwunnafulnameofJESUS that turns me on!). the seduction from her eyes screamed 'do what you want' and i did just that. i let the vibes from her body lead me so i could take her from the ground to the sky... to a place of ecstasy that she wouldn't want to come down from. what had gotten into me? what was it about this woman that i barely even knew that made me crave more of her as she came over and over again in my mouth... on my fingers... on my sheets... the harder she came, the more i wanted. i swear if i was a man she definitely woulda got pregnant that night. as she was on top of me our eyes connected and i realized this wasn't going to be the last time i would see her like this. the sounds she made i heard in my head for weeks. the lovers i had after that 1st time can't compare to her. the emotions that this one night gave me were confusing.

after the months and months of disconnect and wondering where she was, what she was doing, who she was with, who was she fucking... she appeared out of thin air. it was almost as if i was dreaming.

then i found us in the same position again...

and again...

my my my how you've grown.

so nasty... so x rated... so uninhibited

the body conversations we had with each other made me wonder why i had settled for anything less than the best after her. echoes of her praises of me being the best at pleasing her body continued on in my head for the longest. the way she called out how nobody could do her like i could would have usually been an ego booster, but i knew there was truth to this. she had me caught up. her body was my secret place... my escape... the only way i could release my feelings to her without shame, embarrassment, being scared, or being rejected. i got lost in her beyond contact. i caught my Gemini mind asking 'what are we doing? where are we? why are we so deep into her? (you can take that one how you'd like)' the shit drove me crazy. my mind frame wasn't safe. i felt like i was in a euphoric state as if she had become a drug. this wasn't just sex. how did i fall into this position? what had she done to capture me? she gave me her body in a way that i could read everything she was feeling. the connection was stronger than magnets. the things her body told me was more explanatory than any word that has ever come out of her mouth.

- Yungin. ((.f.l.h.))